"Men hope to settle down when they marry whereas women hope to start a new life..."

When single, I always thought my married girlfriends were overly-dramatic, if not critical, when claiming their husbands were not the same men they once dated. That men were liars. Bewildered, they couldn't fathom how their men had changed so drastically, and why they never saw it coming.

Having been married 6 years now, I came to appreciate their conundrum.

I married late so I thought I would be smarter. I walked into my marriage with eyes wide open. I knew the qualities I liked and went straight for the self-assured and kind men with a good sense of humor.

After our first meeting, my then BF pursued me ardently. He rang me daily - often twice a day in the first couple of months. Mind you, it was a 15 -hour time difference. Not an easy task to keep up. His boy-next-door good looks and easy demeanor certainly enhanced his chances.

What sealed the deal was when we were defining love. One of the qualities we like to see in each other was the "ability to compromise". I said we needed to be mindful of our partner's needs and be prepared to make sacrifices. He replied with poetic eloquence,"Why do you need to see it as a sacrifice? When you give with love, you will receive so much more in return." Which intelligent woman will walk away from that profound promise? At last, my soul-mate! I jumped right in; abandoning my well-paying job and moved 10,000 miles away from family and friends.

Obviously I didn't live happily-ever-after, otherwise I would not be writing this blog. Marriage is hard work even if you thought you'd met your soul mate.

Ladies, take heed of the "Golden Rule" of a hunter. Men, by nature, are hunters. Going back to the early days of the caveman, men were out there hunting. In order to bring home the bacon, the man is single-mindedly focused on capturing his target. It was necessary to provide and protect, all of which were admirable.

In dating, the target has changed but the rules of the game have not.

Again, the man is back on the hunt. His sole focus is winning you, hopefully it is your heart he's after. Putting his best foot forward, including embellishing the truths, are all fair game to him. It is not unusual for him to pull out all stops - play the romantic, send you flowers, patiently shop with you for hours and endear himself to your family and friends. Typically, this is the man women fall for.

When married, unfortunately the hunt is over. The flowers stopped, then he forgot important dates and now, you had trouble getting him to stop for grocery.

Therein lies the problem.

Men did all the work upfront before marriage. Then it's time to relax after the "kill". Women did not see that coming. Instead, they bought into the fairy-tale of endless romance and shopping. Disillusioned, women started nagging to defend their lost dream.

Are all marriages set up for failure? Are all men liars, and women, all naggers?

I came across this quote ages ago. It summarizes aptly the frustrations in most marriages, "Men hope to settle down when they marry whereas women hope to start a new life..."

The concluding part of the quote is, "And both are disappointed." Must we, really?